UnIQuELy SiNgaPOre!

Confession of Singalella

SPM Levels Hokkien Exam Paper Instructions:

1. Read the passage carefully

2. Grade yourself with the grading system at the end of the passage after reading.

3. Not that difficult, chin chai do lah !

Section A: Orrler Exeminetion (60 marks)

Question: Singalella why become rich ?

Koo zhar wu chee ay char bor kia, Singalella. She got two sisters, but the stepmarder and the sisters all damn kuai-lan, so she quite zhia-lat oso.

Last time Singalella got own maid, but now she become the amah. Everyday must cook lah, clean lah, simi sai mah bao-kah-liao. If her sister say liak kar zhuak, she liak. Tak jit zho kah tau-hin.

EPF poon boh.

But then, kay piak eh ah-pek got one son call Ah Ming got party. So he say, 'oeh, long chong lai ah.' Singalella very happy because she never go party before but then her step-marder say, 'Lee Mana eh-sai kee, this one bahru lu eh sisters wu standard.'

Then Singalella must zho sui-sui for her sisters and step-marder.

Tap pai how, buay zhia, buay koon and buay pang-sai. That night she only can wave bye bye and then she go back to the kitchen and cook Maggi mee.

Her neighbour came over and ask, 'Eh, an-zhua lu boh kee party?' So Singaalella kong, 'I-wan, lau-bu kong buay-sai, so boh pian.' She never expect but the neighbour say, 'Aiyah, kee lah, I give you money.'

So singalella brush teef and zhang-zhui, chen-kor, after that look very different. She quickly run to opposite of the beh-chia-lor, already 11 o'clock.

At the party, Ah Ming also quite sian because the char bor all boh sui one. Dance floor even got one ah pek dancing.

Just as Ah Ming told himself, 'Aiyah see-pay zhia-lat', Singalella came in.

Ah Ming straight away lau nuar. 'Wah-lau eh, see-pay heng ah, chee kor buay pai.'

Ah Ming say to Singalella, 'eh, sui eh, wah ai kah lee zho flen!' Singalella say ok but Ah Ming like octopus, touch here touch there.

But then just it was 12 o'clock, one ah pek die on the dance floor. He become ghost and tell Singalella all the good 4D number.

So after that Singalella quickly go and buy 4D, and then tiok tau-pio, zhit-pak ban.

So she pay back the kay-piak eh lau-kay-poh and then kah kee cho sen-lee.

Simi kuan eh sen-lee wah mana eh zhai.

Section B: Grades - Gauge Your command of Hokkien....

A1. Can understand the story and pronounce Hokkien correctly. Hokkien eh sai, bo beh zao.

A2. Can understand half story and/or cannot pronounce Hokkien properly. zhia lat

E8. Don't understand story and/or catch no ball. leow leow, mai ka lang kong you is Hokkien Singabolean

F9. Don't understand rating. kee see lah, wah mana eh zhai lee kong simi?

BloggErs pAradisee

a paradise lost in blogdom!

I shud never noe that lightings can be rather expensive till you shop for it.

Not one to skim on things meaningful but sometimes having too many meaningful things can push gas for practicality.

ah well, is nice verses practically and i m still juggling that issue somewhat.

any predictions out there for the us presidential election?

Obama vs McCain - shud be a no brainer for most! but for the ordinary americans most just doenst cut it.

i learnt that one shud respect their parents before one get respect.. hmmm a greate statement that needs alot of fine tuning :)

hows the wind water at north west so far.. hmmm beautiful but the SE needs to be tamed before we get 100% ok from it! keke

2009 shud be a good year for me... my own prediction .. keke

(1) american queen-sized bed & mattress (ticked)

(2) new hob/hood/oven/washing/dryer (ticked)

(3) new kitchen (ticked)

(4) power house marble top table (ticked)

(5) 790cm fridge (saving for it )

(6) custom wardrobe (saving for it)

(7) lightings (getting a hang of it still )

(8) sofa (saving for it)

(9) curtains (bared keke)

(10) cash is king (ticked ticked)

cheerio

/jen

Singapore Business District

bird's eye view of central business of Singapore. Amazing that you can see so many with just one shot.

HOw maNy cOws dO yOu hAvE?

21 Economic Models explained with Cows - 2008 update

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive

Why diD tHe chiCken crOss thE roAd?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the otherside of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to crossthe road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do ishelp him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why hewants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told usthe chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to thechicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how itexperienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, butwill lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform ismuch more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% .......... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath thechicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition ofchicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens!

And now, the local version (for Singapore & Malaysia ):

LEE KUAN YEW:
We have installed crossing lights at all traffic junctions. All chickensshould be able to cross safely to the other side.

LEE HSIEN LOONG:
Gantry points have been set up. All chickens wanting to cross the roadare advised to top up their cash cards first.

ABDULLAH BADAWI:
We have to be fair to all chickens. Some want to cross over the road, somedo not. ........ Zzzzzz .......zzzzzz ....... Now what were we talkingabout? Ah yes, chickens. We will form a Royal Commission to decidewhether it is right for them to cross the road.

MAHATHIR:
Now even the non-bumi chickens want to cross the road? How can theydisrespect and disregard the bumi chickens? We must be allowed to crossover first. It is our right!

ANWAR:
We have enough chickens waiting to cross over in September.

SHAHRIR:
All foreign chickens are welcome in Malaysia but they must not cross overthe road within 50km of the border.

SAMY VELLU (Pre 8 March 2008):
After we have erected the toll booths, all chickens are free to cross the road.

WONG KAN SENG:
I am sorry that the chicken was allowed to cross the road. It was an HONEST MISTAKE. Lets move on.

NAJIB:
I wasn't there. I honestly don't know the chicken.

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The King of Glorious Sutras called the Exalted Sublime Golden Light

The King of Glorious Sutras called the Exalted Sublime Golden Light
A Mahayana Sutra
The chapter on the preamble to the King of Glorious Sutras, the Sublime Golden Light

Homage to all past, future and present buddhas, bodhisattvas, pratyekabuddhas and shravakas!

Thus I have heard at one time:
The Tathagata, entering the buddhas’ domain
Of experience , the profound sphere of reality,
At Vulture peak expounded
To the supreme bodhisattvas,
Who were pure and stainless,
This King of Glorious Sutras, the Sublime Golden Light
Which is extremely profound upon hearing
And profound upon examination.

The buddhas in the four directions
Confer their blessings: blessings
From Ajkshobhya in the east, Rhatnaketu in the south,
Amitabha in the west and Dundubhisvara in the north.

In order to extinquish all unwholesome deeds
I will proclaim this auspicious sublime discourse
That exhausts all negative karma,
Grants all peace and happiness,
Completely eliminates suffering,
Which is adorned with all that is glorious

And is the foundation of omniscience.
Granting blessings, this I shall explain.
Sentient beings whose senses are defective,
Whose life expectancy has ended or fading,
Whom the gods have turned against,
Who are burdened by misfortune,
Hated by their loved ones,
Or oppressed as household servants,
In conflict with one another,
Afflicted with decline in material wealth,
Grief-stricken and miserable,
Ridden with fear and stricken by poverty,
Troubled by stars planetary bodies
And fierce demonic spirits,
Or who see excruciating nightmares
Following grief and fatigue,
They should bathe well to render themselves clean
And listen to this sublime sutra.

Should those with virtuous intent and pure mind
Adorn themselves well in clean garments,
Then listen to this sutra on the profound,
The domain of buddhas’ experience,
Through the awe-inspiring power of this sutra
,The suffering of all creatures –
The likes of which cannot be endured –
Will be forever pacified.

Protection will be offered to them
By the guardians of the world,
Their ministers and army chiefs,
Tens of thousands of millions of yakshas,
The great goddess Sarasvati,
And the goddess who dwells in the Nairanjana,
By Hariti, mother of bhutas,
The earth goddess Drdha,
By the Brahma kings and kings of Thirty-Three,
The powerful kings of serpents,
King of kinnaras and kings of asuras,
Likewise by the kings of garudas.

They, with their clans and might will arrive,
Along with their mounts,
And unfailingly day and night,
Offer protection to beings.
I will clearly expound this sutra on the profound,
The domain of buddhas’ experience
,The secret of all buddhas,
Difficult to find in tens of millions of eons.

Those who hear this sutra,
Those who cause others to hear it,
And make offerings to it,
For tens of millions of eons
Shall be venerated by gods and nagas,
Humans and kinnaras,
Asuras and Yakshas

For being without merit,
The stores of their merit
Will grow into a limitless,
Incalculable, inconceivable mass.

Fiercely they will be protected
By buddhas in ten directions;
Likewise, also by bodhisattvas
Engaged in the profound.

Clad in clean garments,
Wearing well-perfumed clothes
Possessing a mind firm with love,
Without distraction, one should honor this sutra.

Render the mind spotless,
Put forth effort to make expansive
And intensely clear,
Then listen to this sublime sutra.

Those who listen to this sutra
Will be acclaimed among humans,
Attain an excellent human existence
And live a life of comfort.

Those into whose ears
This sublime discourse is echoed,
Will have merit roots refined
And numerous buddhas will extol them.